I killed Santa Claus today. Well, not the real Santa. It wasn't even Christmas time when I was sent from the future to track down Whistler, the commander of an evil zombie horde he calls trancers. I must have been close to his trail because as I passed the North Pole village in the local mall, Santa got up and beamed me on the head with a sled. I knew he was a trancer by his firey red eyes, splotched yellow skin, and rotten egg sandwich breath. I pulled out my gun and pumped jolly ol' Saint Nick full of lead. He fell to the floor and spontaneously combusted. Dirty trancer.
The bad thing about killin' Santa, was that I was left there in a middle of crying children and horrified parents. I had to get out of there before the police came. They'd think I was crazy if I told them my story; that I was a cop sent back in time to 2007 to hunt zombies. They'd lock me up for sure -- and the future would be doomed.
I went back to the mall later to see if my contact was hanging around. I found nadda, looks like I am back to square one. If I don't find Whistler soon, it will be too late.
1 comment:
Man, I don't care if that Santa was a zombie or what. I wish I could have been there to see you kill the fat bastard. Santas are all evil, man. I remember when I was a kid. This crappy old Santa at the mall (with the same egg sandwich breath) totally promised me that bike I had my eye on. You know what I got, man? I got a friggin' microscope. I used it to knock out this kid that was bugging me at school, so it was useful, but man I never got that bike. Lying bastard Santa!
I think you should give up the zombie hunting and just go out and off all the mall Santas, man. If you're from the future, they can't catch you!
But if you really gotta catch this Whistler dude, you should totally start hanging around an all-girls' school and wait for them to go on a field trip. Schoolgirls are like total candy to zombies! Just don't get caught hanging around the school, man. The cops are not kind about that, trust me.
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